Call my bluff

Just had a manic burst of life, singing and jumping and happy. Words I said then 'All i need to do is hold true to myself, and everything will be fine, and I can make everything fine'...They seemed true and almost joyous at the time. But now they have a different ring, still true,not hollow, but defiant, angry. Yes, resilient and defiant.I'm not sure why yet but I can take guesses (though they are but guesses at the moment) but there is a core of anger and resentment making itself known. I'm feeling that quiver around my diaphram which is a prelude to it. But I'm sick of having people concerned for me, worried about me. I think unless I'm wanted or anything tonight, I'll stay in and get myself under control. I'm starting to regret being so exposed.I'm so tired. It's not even physical, although it's partly being manifested as that. I've been watching and waiting for so long,I feel the cracks forming. And I can't shore them up fast enough to deny their existance.And my bluff has been called. If I can't convince them of my capabilities, how can I convince myself. I'm not sureI want to face that part of me. I'm not sure if I belong here anymore.I've angered people by trying to do what's best, been villified for trying to ease a fraught situation, and angered people by holding to my own integrety.