Last day...

in Australia. Bethan and I fly back home tomorrow. To what, I don't know. Will things have changed? Will I have forgotten anything? Will they have? I'm not sure what to expect, I'm not sure what's expected of me. I...am myself again,I think. I've drawn in all these pieces of who I am am forced them back together, and I don't intend to be scattered so far again. It will require strength to go against what I'm urged, but I don't think it's ever been said I am not strong. Time to see if I'm strong enough.I desperatly look forward to going home, but to which home even my subconscious cannot tell.I keep looking forward to curling up on my sofa with my dogs or walking to the Chinese with Laura or Ben,or the long-running cup-of-tea? banter Spetch and I have,and the bombardment of pet-hates Rebekah lovingly plagues me with whenever I visit.But also I look forward to tussling with Harry with him leaving empty coffee cups all over the place,or mock-scowling at Michael when he gets mud on my bedor teaching Cash how to fight or trying to freak out Francis.Oki, my journey, which I'm totally not panicking about at all...Perth (3:30pm) to Singapore (8:45pm)Singapore (11:47pm) to Heathrow (5:30am)Heathrow Terminal 4 (anytime til 7:55am - hope to get an earlier train if possible, knock an hour or two off the travelling day)to Cardiff (latest arrival 11:47)From there, I can either wait for the 6:15pm bus, or figure out the trains to Carmarthen and then the bus to Lampeter. By my calculations, the latest I'll arrive is 9:09pm, the earliest (unless we can get away from London sooner) will be...a bit earlier, lol.Gah! Apparently the simple requests of 'please don't close any of the windows i'm using on the computer' and 'please don't read my journal' are ones too hard for my fathers delicate sense of ...i don't know. Either way, he just threw all his toys out the pram, hissed "Confirm your own damn flights then" and stormed off. Knowing full well I'm unable to, as I dont have the information, and no way to get the information.But you know what?I find thatI care very little - he's going to confirm them anyway, even if only for Bethan's sake. He'll then try and get me to ask for details, but really? I don't want and don't have to play this game, so I wont. I'm sick of people taking my good nature for granted. Thinking that they can get away with treating me like something less than worthless because they know they're safe and they know I'll pretty much forgive if an appology is offered.Maybe it's time for me to stop listening to appologies.Besides, leaving here tomorrow, don't have to see him forthree months or longer if I don't want to.I can feel where the anger is supposed to be, would normally be, but somehow, it's just contempt now. It hardly hurts at all. What happens if I lose all respect?Sheesh, i hate travelling. I'm sick of my family but sorry to leave them, can't wait to return to Lampeter but nervous about what I'll find, worried that Tash and Mandy have misinterpretted me when I voiced my concerns about Spetch...you know what, it doesn't matter if they have - i know what I meant about him, and the rest will have to wait.